Jealousy.

I'm the jealous type.

For my confirmation I wanted a special type of lilies as decoration, a ring that belonged to my national festive clothing and a new camera, as I had been interested in photography since I was seven years old and only had a 23euro blue plastic compact piece of 7year old shit using film.
I didn't get any of those, neighter did I get a speech, unless you count my dads 30seconds of telling everyone how high I made the telephone bill and how poor my grades was.
My sister got everything that I wanted for her confirmation. Yes, what I wanted.
When I started college I wanted to take photography at a school in the city, but my parents denied me moving there and I did not want to ride my bike for 30minutes just to take a buss 45minutes to get to school. So they sent med to a boarding school which did not have the class I wanted to take... Since I was 11 I got 100euros to buy food, clothes and other things that I needed each month. Needless to say that is is no longer enough when you're in your teens and living at a boarding school.
My sister got to move to the city, take the photography class, got 420euro each month and my mom payed for her flat, tv, internet and most of her food.

I remember once when I was much younger, my sister and my dad had been in the city shopping for a dress. When they were halfway home she decided that she did not want the dress she got after all, so she started crying and cried for hours until my dad drove all the way back to the city to get her the dress that she wanted. She now had two brand new dresses, I had a nasty moss green dress that was an handy down from my cousin and I was forbidden to wear without a white cotton sweater underneath.

I never got to pierce my ears, wear makeup or color my hair before I was sixteen or eighteen. My sister got to to everything long before she ever turned thirteen. My moms explanation "You nagged so much about it that we decided to let her have it".

I hate my sister and I hate myself for hating her. I hate my parents and I hate myself for hating them. I hate being hateful, but why do life have to be so unfair?
I feel so stupid complaining about those things when other people are without homes and food.

I know they can't undo what's done, but it's not like they've changed. They're still favoring her. Now they even claim that she looks up to me, maybe she do, but in the wrong way.

Every time I tell her about one of my symptoms it only takes her a day to suddenly have it herself and claiming she had it forever. Now my parents send her even more money, feeling sorry for "breaking her too". Well, they broke me big time! Where's my money?
I'm in dept to my neck trying to pay off my college loan that they made me get by sending me to an expensive boarding school, and I'm on benefit...

I must be a horrible person for thinking they're horrible. But why won't they listen to me? I feel like screaming and crying like a little child.