Secretly

Hello, it's been a while. I can't say I've been busy, that would be a lie.

For a day I felt better, I almost felt in love again. But only for a day.

It's not just that he don't tell me things, he don't even give me practical messages. If he's going somewhere he tells me just hours before leaving, even if he's going away the whole day and had planed it for weeks.
When we're out he pays no attention to me. If there's no free chairs he goes to get one for himself without telling me or bringing me one too. It's like I'm not there.
When we're out drinking, everything I say is wrong and he hushes me when I'm talking to other people. He claims he don't remember the day after.

He's acting like I'm not there. Would he even notice if I moved out?
I feel like a victim of psychological abuse. Why am I unable to tell him how I feel?

I've started having fantasies. About moving out and away, live with a friend, do whatever I like. But no, I need to talk to him about my issues before leaving him. We've been together for too long to just leave each other without talking about it.
It's been almost two months of me feeling bad about this relationship. What went wrong?

I still cry every night, still don't think he knows. Maybe I secretly want him to know? Maybe if he knew he'd ask me what's wrong? And maybe, just maybe I'd be able to tell him?..